2018 Golden Globes Rant and Predictions

January 12, 2018:

Wow. So I got none of these predictions right and the Globes made me look like an idiot… or did they? While the awards may not have necessarily stuck to the traditional PC winners, the ceremony itself certainly did (which, spoiler alert, is not inherently a bad thing). There were some good, thought-provoking moments at this year’s Globes that I think we can all do better to be observant of. With that, here’s the original post I made before the Globes. Though it seems obsolete now, I’ve decided to leave it up for the purposes of transparency and integrity.

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January 5, 2018

For a split-second, I thought about starting this post by greeting you with a “Happy New Year!!!” But rest assured, the thought was quickly exterminated in my mind. Because the thought even crossed my mind, that must mean that it’s officially Awards Season, and the highly anticipated Golden Globes just so happen to be airing later this weekend. Yaaayyyy, I love Awards Season, it’s my favorite season behind Baseball season, which I spend a total of 2 hours viewing annually, because those last two innings of the World Series can last forever.

This post is going to allow me to do something that I often enjoy: beating a dead horse, walking away, and then returning to beat it again just for good measure. Two years ago, I made a post about why I despised the Golden Globes and the Hollywood Foreign Press. The too-long-didn’t-read-it summary of that post is this: as much as people love bitching about certain aspects of the Oscars – be it the circle-jerky nature of the awards, the circulation of recognition for an elite group of artists, racism, etc – the Globes are exponentially worse, and it’s unfortunate because this is the only Awards show that puts TV and Cinema on the same stage. So, why am I ranting about the show before it has even aired? Well, if you look at the nominations, and you keep up with my reviews, then you should quickly deduce what the main point of this post is going be.

As I said before, the Globes are much worse than the Oscars when it comes to Hollywood patting itself on the back. While I do agree with a good deal of what she said, Merryl Streep’s nearly 6 minute acceptance speech (which is WAY over the supposed “time limit”) would have been cut short at the Oscars, and I doubt she would attempt such a speech there, because it’s expected at a celebration of the “Hollywood Foreign Press.” And no mater your politics, this perceived “smugness” of Hollywood’s elite is not helping the political climate at all.

This “smugness” seems to have made its way into this year’s Awards show too. I want to show what I mean by examining just a few of the bigger awards and their nominees. Based on what I know about the Globes, I’m going to predict the winners of these awards without having seen the vast majority of these films.

 

Best Drama: Call Me By Your Name, Dunkirk, The Post, The Shape of Water, Three Billboards

First of all, HOW THE HELL IS BLADERUNNER NOT ON THIS LIST?!?!?!?!? Secondly, I  have only had the opportunity to see two of these films, and based on the quality of those two movies, this category is a huge let down. On to the predictions.

Let’s just be real and throw Dunkirk out; it’s a technical masterpiece of a war movie that celebrates nothing, it has no shot at winning the Globe. I’m also going to toss out The Shape of Water because I don’t think it deserved a nomination. That leaves the three films I haven’t seen yet (of course). Just based on reviews, I think I would enjoy Three Billboards the most, so we’ll also exclude that one since the Globes just want to spite me that much. So now we’re down to Call Me By Your Name, a movie about a secret affair between two men with a tremendous age difference, and The Post, a movie that celebrates the journalistic achievements of the currently “controversial” Washington Post, which has been adamantly anti-Trump. It’s going to be tough, but I’m sure they’ll eventually pick one of these.

Prediction: Call Me By Your Name or The Post

 

Best Actress in a Drama: Merryl Streep (The Post), Jessica Chastain (Molly’s Game), Sally Hawkins (The Shape of Water), Frances McDormand (Three Billboards), Michelle Wlliams (All the Money)

Merryl Streep might as well be the only nominee here. However, they might surprise us by not going the political route, in which case this would turn into a very competitive category.

Prediction: Merryl Streep

 

Best Actor in a Drama: Tom Hanks (The Post), Daniel-Day Lewis (Phantom Thread), Gary Oldman (Darkest Hour), Denzel Washington (Roman J Israel)

I haven’t seen any of these, but it won’t stop me from predicting. Daniel-Day Lewis, like Merryl Streep, is the traditional pick, so it wouldn’t surprise me if he gets it. However, I wouldn’t be surprised if Hanks walks away with it either, since the HFP seems to love this movie (I wonder why).

Prediction: Tom Hanks or Daniel-Day Lewis

 

Best Supporting Actor: Willem Dafoe (The Florida Project), Armie Hammer (CMBYN), Richard Jenkins (Shape of Water), Christopher Plummer (All the Money), Sam Rockwell (Three Billboards)

This is kinda tough. Armie Hammer and Richard Jenkins both play older homosexual men, and therefore both play into “patting ourselves on the back” and give them an edge over the others. However, Plummer comes in as a last second fill-in for “He Who Shall Not Be Named” and probably has an edge over both Hammer and Jenkins, because Hollywood wants to do everything in its power to distance itself from this storm of sexual assault charges.

Prediction: Christopher Plummer

 

Lastly, I just want to reiterate the fact that BLADERUNNER GOT A TOTAL OF 0 NOMINATIONS AND WAS EASILY THE BEST FILM THIS YEAR BAR-NONE. This is the same thing that happened two years ago when another of my favorite movies of the year, Sicario, received the same amount of recognition.

 

All in all, the Golden Globes suck and have always sucked. This is evidenced year after year by some of the more respectable artists getting drunk on national TV and making the Globes that much more bearable for us to watch. Nevertheless, I’m still going to tune in, because it will give me something to complain about, and I love complaining.

 

 

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